Just a Messiah's Misfit

Q&A

The following questions were set in last year’s GSE examination.  These are genuine answers from 16 year olds.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists 
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids 
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs  (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q,  What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow 
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour 
A. Keep it in the  (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control 
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium  (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness 
A. When you are sick at the airport.   (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head 

Happy Birthday Pete!

I sure do miss you and mom. Tell her I love her. Some day we can pick up where we left off. Until then, just know Im thinking about you.

Love ya,
pk

Message for my Parking Lot Detail

Hello Boys and Hannah:

Below is the schedule.  Our job is simple and our priority is this: help the flow of traffic in and out of the parking area, making sure no car is blocked and that all avenues of exiting are open at all times. The City requires we keep a 20 foot aisle open between rows and there is one (1) “no-parking area” near the main gate. There are security guards on the premises, so if a problem arises, we will have help. Please be mindful of children running loose. Excitement is all that is on their minds and they are not thinking about moving vehicles. Do not hesitate to stop a vehicle if you see a potentially dangerous situation.

Wear clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty and bring some water bottles or snacks with you. IPods are fine too.  If anyone of us experiences problems with a patron of the carnival, I expect us all to respond in aide. You never know what kind of fruitcakes are out there. I will have chairs that you can sit in when activity is low. Four hours is a long time on your feet and it’s hard on your back.

I have tried to split shifts evenly between all of you so everyone has an equal chance at the money. If you try it and decide you don’t want to come back, I can respect that, but please let me know so I can cover the hole.  Paydays appear to be Sunday nights at the end of the night.  If you are not there at that time, find me and I will get your envelope to you.

Finally, attached is the schedule I have given you. This is flexible as long as I know ahead of time.  After two nights, we have had several compliments on our organization and ease of traffic flow!  How cool is that?  Everything we do, whether it is the big things or the little things, we do with excellence!

Here is the schedule.  It is subject to change as far as traffic.  If traffic is low, you might be let off early. I doubt you will be asked to stay any later than what is shown.  DRESS FOR THE WEATHER!!! As I write this, the front is moving in right now.  I don’t know how the weather affects what we are doing, so please remember the missing Beatitude from Matthew Chapter 5 of the Bible: Blessed are the flexible, for they will not be bent out of shape.  I appreciate all of your willingness in this. We have been having a great time so far!

Thursday 18th: 6 – 9  Hannah

Friday 19th: 6-10 Chris and Mike

Saturday 20th: 2-6  Mike and Randy

Saturday 20th 6 to 10- Chris and David

Sunday 21st: 2-6 Chris and David

Sunday 21st: 6 to 10 – Mike and Randy

Monday 22nd: 5:30 to 9:00  Hannah and Art

Tuesday 23rd: 5:30 to 9:00  Hannah and Art

Wednesday 24th: 5:30 to 9:00 Omar, Art and David ( I will not be there this day)

Thursday 25th: 5:30 to 9:00 Omar, Art and David (I will not be there this day)

Friday 26th: 6-10 Chris and Mike

Saturday 27th: 2-6  Mike and Randy

Saturday 27th 6 to 10- Chris and David

Sunday 28th: 2-6 Chris and Davis (I will not be there until about 3:30 so you guys will have to handle it without me for a while)

Sunday 28th: 6 to 10 – Mike and Randy

Today is a strange day.

John has just left and is taking Hannah, Adam and Jeremiah to Corpus today to see a Christian metal concert (is there REALLY such a thing????) with Disciple and Decyfer Down at a church.  Its a one day trip, with a total of 5 hours of driving time.  The strange part about it is… I don’t know what to do with myself.  We all wish for days where we could have “just one day for ourselves” and we dream about all of the things that we could be doing when we don’t have to do for others.  The last few days I have been planning all the “stuff” I could get done today… IRS junk… carpet cleaning… car washing…. and now that they have left… I’m thinking a nap is in order!!!!!